How to Get Over a Cheating Relationship – Follow This Method
Have you ever felt that pain in your chest that seems to never end? The feeling that the world has collapsed and nothing makes sense anymore?
If you’re here, you’re probably trying to figure out how to get over cheating. Know that you’re not alone. This is a painful experience that many people go through – in fact, it all starts with learning to love yourself.
Betrayal shakes our deepest structures: trust, self-esteem and even our worldview. But believe me: it is possible to overcome this difficult time and rebuild your life, whether or not you continue in the relationship.
When we are betrayed, our brain processes the experience in a similar way to trauma. Research shows that the neurological impact activates the same areas of the brain associated with physical pain.
Stress hormones, such as cortisol, are released in large quantities, affecting our sleep, appetite and ability to concentrate. This explains that feeling of “being on autopilot” in the first few days after discovery.
The good news is that with the right strategies, it is possible to not only overcome pain, but also grow as a person from this difficult experience.
In this comprehensive guide, you will discover practical strategies for dealing with pain, understanding the emotional process, and making informed decisions about your future. Let’s go on this journey of healing and transformation together.
Remember if: Each person has their own healing pace. Respect your time and emotions during this process.
Understanding Betrayal and Its Emotional Impact
Cheating goes far beyond what we imagine. It is not limited to physical infidelity – it can be emotional, financial or even a significant breach of trust in other aspects of the relationship.
This explains why many people report feeling “a stab in the heart” or a “punch in the stomach” when they discover someone is cheating.
The Emotional Phases After Betrayal
- Shock: “This can’t be happening to me”
- Denial: "There must be a mistake"
- Anger: “How could he/she do this to me?”
- Sadness: “I will never get over this pain”
- Bargain: “If I change, maybe this won’t happen again”
- Acceptance: “This happened and I need to move on”
Do you identify with any of these phases? Know that they are all natural and are part of the healing process.
Taking Care of Yourself: First Steps After Discovery
When betrayal comes to light, your world can seem like it’s falling apart. In those early moments, self-care needs to be your top priority. But how do you do that when it feels like you can barely breathe?
Psychologist Ana Beatriz Barbosa recommends avoiding making definitive decisions in the heat of the moment. “Many couples will say that much of the pain they caused each other after a betrayal could have been avoided if they had backed off and not attacked,” she says.
Consider:
- Take a few days to be alone
- Sleeping at a friend or family member's house
- Asking for time in the relationship to reflect
Embrace your emotions
Don’t bottle up what you’re feeling! Allow yourself to cry, scream into a pillow, or write out your emotions in a journal. This emotional release is therapeutic and necessary.
Have you ever noticed how some people seem to “swallow” betrayal and then become ill? This happens because repressed emotions can manifest as physical symptoms such as headaches, digestive problems and low immunity.
Seek reliable support
Talking about what happened can be painful, but it is an essential part of healing. Choose who you share it with carefully—people who won’t judge you or the situation.
A support network may include:
- Close friends who know how to listen
- Understanding family members
- Specific support groups
- A therapist or psychologist
Take care of your body:
- Walk 15 minutes a day
- Drink enough water
- Eat nutritiously
- Get enough sleep (use relaxation techniques)
It’s tempting to resort to “escape” strategies to ease the pain, but be careful with:
- Excessive alcohol consumption
- Drug use
- Compulsive shopping
- Revenge (which usually only brings more suffering)
“When it comes to overcoming betrayal, the most important thing is emotional strength,” says Najma Alencar. Therefore, make your mental health a priority at this time.
The Healing Process: Steps to Overcoming Betrayal
Getting over a betrayal doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process that requires patience and self-compassion. Let’s explore the steps that can help you heal these emotional wounds.
Allow yourself to feel the pain completely
It seems contradictory, but immersing yourself in pain is the shortest path to overcoming it. When we try to escape from suffering, it only prolongs itself.
Try this exercise: Set aside 20 minutes a day to fully experience your emotions. After that time, take a deep breath and resume your activities. As the days go by, you will notice that you need less time to process these feelings.
Work on forgiveness (for your own good)
Forgiving doesn’t mean approving of what happened or getting back into the relationship. It’s a gift you give yourself to free yourself from resentment.
Important: “Genuinely forgiving the person who betrayed you is challenging, because betrayal involves a breach of trust. However, the party that decides to forgive needs to be very careful not to use this act as a bargaining chip,” warns the Zenklub team.
Forgiveness is a gradual process that begins with the conscious decision not to allow hurt to continue to control your life.
Perform a closing ritual
Symbolic rituals can be powerful in marking the end of a painful cycle. Psychologist Anahy D'Amico suggests: “Write down on a piece of paper everything that happened during the betrayal, everything you felt. Then, fold the paper and get rid of it – tear it up, shred it or burn it.”
Other ritual ideas include:
- Planting a tree symbolizing a new beginning
- Write a letter that will never be sent
- Get rid of objects that bring back painful memories
- Take a solo trip for reflection
Recover your self-esteem and self-confidence
Betrayal often makes us question our worth. It is essential to rebuild self-esteem through:
Personal care:
- Invest time in your appearance and well-being
- Learn something new that you always wanted to
- Practice activities you love
Mental health:
- Replace negative thoughts with positive ones
- Set small goals and celebrate each achievement
- Practice gratitude daily
Continue or Terminate? Factors to Consider
One of the hardest decisions after cheating is deciding whether to continue the relationship. There is no right or wrong answer – it depends on a number of individual factors.
Evaluate the relationship as a whole
Cheating rarely happens in a vacuum. Before you decide, consider:
- What was the relationship like before the betrayal?
- Were there any unresolved issues?
- Was the communication healthy?
- Was there mutual respect?
- The relationship was healthy before the betrayal
- The partner demonstrates genuine remorse
- There is a mutual willingness to work on the relationship
- Communication can be reestablished honestly
- Can you visualize a path to forgiveness?
- The relationship already had serious problems
- The betrayal was repetitive or long-lasting
- There is no genuine regret from the partner
- You can't imagine trusting again
- Your mental health is being severely damaged
Identify signs of genuine repentance
True repentance goes beyond words. See if your partner:
- Take full responsibility (no excuses)
- Demonstrates genuine empathy for your suffering
- Answer your questions honestly
- Be patient with your healing process
- Commit to concrete changes
Be wary of empty promises or attempts to blame you for the betrayal.
Consider the role of couples therapy
For couples who decide to stay together, therapy can be essential. A neutral professional can help to:
- Identify problematic patterns
- Improve communication
- Processing difficult emotions
- Establish new foundations for the relationship
Certain contexts require additional considerations:
- Long marriages (20+ years)
- Presence of small children
- Financial dependence
- Repeated cheating vs. one-time incident
“Consider the stage of the relationship. Overcoming an infidelity in a marriage that has resulted in children is different from overcoming it at the beginning of a relationship,” points out the Zenklub team.
Rebuilding Trust: Is It Possible to Trust Again?
Rebuilding trust after betrayal is like learning to walk again after a serious fracture. It is possible, but it takes time, patience, and a gradual healing process.
Trust as a gradual process
Understand that trust does not come back all at once. It is rebuilt through:
- Small consistent gestures over time
- Continuous transparency
- Commitments fulfilled
- Honest communication
Establishing new foundations for the relationship
If you decide to continue the relationship, new rules need to be established:
- Greater transparency (no invasion of privacy)
- Open communication about feelings and needs
- Clear boundaries on acceptable behaviors
- Mutual commitment to reconstruction
“Even if the couple decides to stay together, the belief in eternal fidelity has been lost and everything they experience in the future will be different. This feeling helps them abandon past dreams and build a possible future,” experts explain.
Avoiding the cycle of distrust
After cheating, it is common to develop obsessive behaviors such as constantly checking your partner's phone. This creates a toxic cycle where:
- You suspect
- Constantly monitors
- Live in a state of alert
- Get emotionally exhausted
- It harms the rebuilding of trust
To break this cycle, practice:
- Open communication about your insecurities
- Self-confidence development
- Focus on the present, not the past
- Mindfulness Techniques for Anxiety
Specific practices to strengthen trust
Some techniques can speed up the rebuilding of trust:
- Active listening exercises: “Create short sentences to explain your feelings or needs to your partner. Then, have them repeat what you said,” suggests consultant Laurie Weiss.
- Regular emotional check-ins: weekly conversations about the status of the relationship
- Activities that generate bonds: create new positive memories together
- Celebrate small progress: recognize improvements in communication and trust
The Role of Professional Help in Overcoming
Seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness, but of courage and commitment to your emotional health. Betrayal can trigger deep traumas that benefit from specialized support.
When to seek individual therapy
Consider professional help if you:
- Have recurring thoughts about cheating for more than 15 days
- Experience physical symptoms such as insomnia or loss of appetite
- Have difficulty carrying out daily activities
- Develops anxiety or depression
Different therapeutic approaches to trauma
Several therapeutic methods can help in overcoming:
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: works automatic negative thoughts
EMDR: processing of traumatic memories
Mindfulness: mindfulness techniques for anxiety
Schema-focused therapy: addresses dysfunctional relational patterns
How to find the right professional
Look for a therapist who specializes in:
- Relationships
- Traumas
- Betrayal/infidelity
- Rebuilding trust
Online platforms like Zenklub and Psitto can help you find specialized professionals who work remotely.
Remember: you may need to see more than one professional until you find one you feel comfortable with.
Post-Trauma Growth: Turning Pain into Strength
Although painful, betrayal can become a catalyst for profound personal growth. Many people report that after overcoming this trauma, they become stronger and wiser.
Drawing lessons from painful experiences
Ask yourself:
- What did I learn about myself in this process?
- What values are really important to me?
- How did this experience change my view of relationships?
- What inner strengths have I discovered that I possess?
Developing new emotional skills
Overcoming betrayal develops valuable skills such as:
- Greater emotional intelligence
- Ability to set healthy boundaries
- Discernment about people and situations
- Resilience in the face of adversity
Establishing healthier relationships
With these new skills, you will be able to:
- Identify partners most compatible with your values
- Communicate needs and limits more clearly
- Building relationships based on mutual respect
- Approach conflicts more constructively
Expert advice: “After a betrayal, we remain hurt and sensitive for a long time, and we tend to make generalizations. That's why we need to let the wounds heal before getting romantically involved again.” — Anahy D'Amico
Redefining personal values
Betrayal often forces us to reflect on:
- What really matters in our lives
- What kind of relationships do we want to build?
- What values are non-negotiable for us?
- How to value ourselves more
This reassessment can lead to a life that is more authentic and aligned with who we really are.
Conclusion: Your Path to Emotional Freedom
Overcoming betrayal is a deeply personal journey that requires time, patience, and self-compassion. There is no magic formula or set timeline—everyone heals at their own pace.
If you are facing this challenge right now, remember:
- The pain you feel is real and valid.
- You are not to blame for someone else's choice.
- This difficult experience does not define who you are
- It is possible to rebuild trust (in yourself and others)
- You deserve healthy, respectful relationships
- There is growth and wisdom available on the other side of pain
Regardless of whether you stay in the relationship or go new ways, the most important thing is to regain your inner peace and ability to trust – first in yourself, then in others.
Getting over cheating is a unique process for each person, but with the right tools, proper support, and a lot of self-kindness, you will find your way to healing and renewal.
Don't give up. One day this pain will be just a distant memory that has made you a stronger, wiser person, capable of loving even more deeply.
Final reminder: Forgiveness (whether of another or of yourself) is not weakness, but the path to your own emotional liberation.
Common questions
There is no set time frame. Research suggests that the most intense emotional impact can last 3 to 6 months, but complete healing often takes 1 to 2 years. Factors such as the severity of the betrayal, the length of the relationship, and your emotional support influence this time frame. If the suffering persists intensely for more than two weeks, seeking professional help is recommended.
Yes, it is possible, as long as both parties are committed to rebuilding the relationship. Love can take on a new, more mature and realistic form. However, the betrayed person needs to honestly assess whether they can genuinely forgive and whether their partner shows sincere remorse and changes in behavior. Couples therapy can be essential in this process.
Recurring thoughts are normal after trauma. Effective techniques include:
- Mindfulness (returning to the present moment)
- Thought interruption (saying “STOP” mentally)
- Healthy distractions (physical activity, hobbies)
- Cognitive reprogramming (replacing negative thoughts)
- Writing feelings in a diary
If these thoughts significantly interfere with your routine, consider seeking professional help.
Many religious traditions offer guidance on forgiveness and healing. From a Christian perspective, for example, forgiveness is seen as liberating for the forgiver, even if it does not mean reconciliation. Practices such as prayer, spiritual meditation, and pastoral counseling can complement the process of emotional healing. Regardless of belief, seeking spiritual meaning in the experience can bring comfort and purpose to suffering.
Genuine repentance manifests itself through:
- Full assumption of responsibility (without justifications)
- Sincere empathy for your suffering
- Patience with your healing process (no pressure)
- Voluntary transparency in your actions
- Actively seeking professional help
- Consistent and lasting behavioral changes
- Willingness to answer difficult questions
Be wary of empty promises not accompanied by concrete actions.
Have you been cheated on or are you helping someone overcome a betrayal? Share your experience in the comments below or seek the support of a professional to guide you on this healing journey.
